Why, God?

This question haunts me. It taunts me. It holds me captive and will not let go. Why, God? 

Blake, sensitive soul that he is, saw my crying over the negative report Amey and Nathan heard (I refuse to say received) about Phoebe and he asked what's wrong. 

What's wrong?!?  I silently scream, "It's all wrong." 

He cries with me, holding me tight, for a child he has never met. Then comes the question that every parent fears. Why can't God fix it? 

My answer is the usual. It's part of life in a fallen world. Adam and Eve, sin, sickness, death, etc. But he doesn't understand why God can't or won't fix it. 

My answer seems so shallow, so rehearsed, so empty. He doesn't buy it, but he lets it go. 

Now, my heart is crying and the same question is there. Why can't you fix it, God? 

I know You can. Why don't You? You have the power to obliterate those tumors. With a thought they could be gone. With Your breath the pain, the side effects, the whole thing could disappear. She could be made whole, renewed, restored. She could live and fulfill her destiny, be that little pistol we all know she is and set the world on fire. 

This is not doubt from me, it is a lack of understanding. And don't tell me, "we will know better in heaven." I want to know now. Show me GOD what purpose this serves. Show me the master plan. Show me how this makes sense, how it will all works out.

Cause I don't get it. 

So, I am calling You on it. This isn't a fleece or a testing of You. I know You. I know what You are capable of. I have seen You work. Prove me right. Show the world who You are.

I dare You! 

Blow the roof off this place. Take us to the brink. Shake us to the core. We will climb the mountain to offer up what You have asked. But I know You got a ram caught in the bushes. You have a miracle on its way. 

I'll take an Elijah. I'll take an Elisha. I'll take a Jesus on a crowded street. I'll take a Peter by the beautiful gate. I'll take a healing. I'll take a resurrection. 

But this "sin of a fallen world" mess ain't going to fly. 

So, You do You! I'll stand by egging You on. 

Come on GOD!! Show up and show out.  

Typing in Tongues...

I wonder if one can type in tongues. (Now don't go getting all religious minded on me). It's just a thought!! As I sit here listening to Miracle Maker by Kim Walker Smith, feeling the need to write but having no words for what I am feeling, I wonder if one can type in tongues. 

Guess I'll sit and let Holy Spirit do His work, maybe the words will come....

This is me right now. My heart is catching fire. I feel a stirring up in my spirit. The time for silence has ended, it is time to set the world ablaze.  "Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasts great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindles! (James 3:5 KJV)   Now, I know all of my SOTB friends are screaming "that verse doesn't mean a good fire," but stay with me for a few. 

The tongue holds the power to spark a great fire, and more often than not that spark is spoken in hatred, anger, bitterness, deceit, in a way meant to divide. But what if we harness that beast and make it work to set the world on fire for God. What if we speak love, forgiveness, healing, truth, and in a way meant to bring together. 

Could we become like Katniss? Could we start a revolution that changes the world? Could we topple tyrants? Could we change the outcome? Just by choosing to speak life to everyone we meet.

To borrow a phrase from President Obama, "Yes, we can!" 

As light in a dark world, we are called to speak truth and love to those around us. No one person is perfect and can hold others to a standard, only God can. And last time I checked, I am not HIM!! (Hang on a second... yep, still no Him.) But we can lead others to the Standard of Christ by our words and our deeds. We will have to radically change our speech, our attitudes, our reactions, but we can bring a true revolution to this world, one word of love and hope at a time. We have to for the next generation.  

For these two

 and these three 

 and this group

Today, on his tv program, Glenn Beck delivered this message and it struck my heart.

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/06/10/glenn-beck-delivers-moving-and-tearful-monologue-without-saying-a-single-word/ 

What if today were the last day you could speak? What would you say? 

My desire is that with my very last sound, my very last breath, I lift up Jesus. He said "And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me." (John 12:32 KJV)

Summer Time

This is the first summer I have had 'off' in years. Off being a loosely used term. While I do not have a traditional job this summer, I am working to find a job closer to home. And as we all know, looking for a job is a job in itself. So, I find my self worrying about it all the time, which means I am not enjoying this first summer.

 Then my other "job" rears its ugly head, coursework. While I am SUPER excited to almost be finished with my MAT, it strikes me that every summer for the past 4 years I have had schoolwork. When we have had the time or money for vacation I have spent most of the vacation tethered to a borrowed laptop and stressing about getting my work turned in on time.

This year I have decided not to stress and to take some time with my boys. If that means late nights of studying while they sleep, then so be it. Today, I was freaking out about getting home to do school work, when I looked over and saw Blake's face. I thought to myself, "I am not going to miss the chance to be with him." So,we went to the movies and then grabbed some Starbucks.

Tonight, I was working on school stuff, cooking supper, washing dishes, and instructing the 11 year old Blake on how to correctly fold the towels, when Ed walks in with a present for me. (Here it must be noted that in 4 and a half years of being together I can count on one hand the presents he has bought me. He just isn't that kind of guy. He'll give me money and tell me to get what I want but does really surprise me with gifts.)

So imagine my surprise when he walks in with a big goofy grin and some great speech and hands me an iPad. I almost cried! Not because I loved the iPad so much, but because he thought about me and my needs and wants. With absolutely no prodding or well placed hinting (ladies you know what I mean), he went out and picked out something for me to help me with school work on vacation and to enjoy.

I always say "can't find a better man" and I truly mean it.

I am going to enjoy the mess out of this summer.