Bell's Palsy and other trials

Matthew 19:26

 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

 

In July, just two days after returning from vacation, I developed a lovely little case of Bell's Palsy. Honest to God, I thought I was having a stroke. But the good DR informed me that "it's just Bell's Palsy." I was given a steroid and some antivirals to take for a week and told that it would clear up some time in the next two weeks to 3 month. In the meantime, I can't speak clearly, when I laugh I look like Two-Face from the Batman comic and - that worst of all- I have to drink my coffee through a straw.

 

In late August I finally found a teaching position. I drive 60 miles one way to work everyday. The school is in a small town that according to the local newspaper is dying. It's a low income predominately minority school. The kids are undisciplined and used to being spanked at home and school regularly. Most of my 1st grade students cannot read and with the new Value Added laws taking effect this year, I am starting out behind the eight-ball. (Yes Ed!! I know what that means.)

 

Blake has been having serious tummy issues since late January, to the point that he can't eat for days and is in tears. With the family history, we (mainly Ed) pitched a fit until our local Medicaid doctor gave us a referral to a gastro specialist. Blake goes this week for a scope and biopsy to check for an inflammatory bowel disease. They are thinking Crohn's disease.

 

I am not only teaching full time but also enrolled in a full time Master's program at ULM ( yep, the one that beat Arkansas). There are monthly seminars, weekly assignments, and projects due throughout. There is never time to do anything that needs to be done, as I leave for work at 5:30 am and do not return some nights until 7:00.

 

And I am supposed reduce the stress in my life to help clear up the Bell's Palsy!!!!

 

But I am reminded of a little diddy sung by Mr. Bing Crosby:

 

"You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
And latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between

You've got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium's
Liable to walk upon the scene

To illustrate my last remark
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do just when everything looked so dark?

You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
And latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between"

So the positives
1. My God is greater than Bell's Palsy and is going to heal me in His time.
2. I have a job doing what I love
3. I love the people I work with and for
4. The students are helping me to become more compassionate.
5. Blake is beautiful and amazing
6. His gastro specialist is great and really puts Ed's mind and heart at ease.
7. Next week we will have our answer and know what we are fighting and how to fight.
8. I am getting my Master's so that I can provide the very education for my students
9. I will be able to have holiday's with Blake again.
10. I am NOT dead!! I live to serve the Lord another day

So, while the trials we are going through seem to be many this I know God is working it for my good and I will make it through by HIS grace and mercy and love.

Stella

I once had a close friend named Stella. She was awesome! No matter what time you showed up at her home (announced or unannounced) you were welcomed in with open arms and usually a warm cup of coffee. I met her while I was serving at Youth With A Mission and she was a great blessing to me. Time and distance and life in general have seperated us. However I still think of her often and wish to be on her couch getting love and advice from her and her husband.

In late 2004, I moved into my own home and needed a companion, being as I am a social creature and don't like being completely alone. Around Christmas, I saw a flyer for free puppies. Mixed breed, Cocker Spaniel and Jack Russell Terrier. I went to pick one out and fell in love the instant I saw her. I named her Stella because I always wanted to feel that welcoming spirit when coming home.

Stella, the dog, has been a faithful friend for all these years. When I come home she wags her tail and barks with excitement. Right now, she is sitting at my feet keeping watch over me. I have trained her so well. She knows "sit", "stay", "outside", and "on your mat."  Until she met her new best friend, Ed, she understood that dogs do not get on the furniture. I am now having to re-train her. (thanks ED)

She may not be the prettiest dog, but she is mine. I love my Stella Bella!!

The Story...

"I'd like to look in the mirror without hiding my eyes...
I'd like to see what You see, Why You think I am qualified..."

As you may know by now, music speaks to me more than anything. Right now I am consuming the CD "Music Inspired by The Story." For those of you who have no clue, The Story is a book that simply put is... the story of the Bible, God's great love affair with humanity. 31 Chapters of the stories from the beginning to the end of the Bible.

While I haven't read the book, I was introduced to the music and videos inspired by the book at a women's retreat a few weeks back. And wow!! Before we even left the seminar, I had already bought the songs from iTunes. Since that time, well let's just say Blake knows the word to all the songs.

Which brings me to the above lyrics. It is from the song inspired by the story of Moses and points to all the things that are wrong with him that keep him from doing God's will. But he turns back to the thought that it must be God within him that makes him able to forge ahead in the journey and it must be God that is the good within him to complete the task set before him.

Lately, I have struggled with the idea of not being good enough for my assignment. I wondered if I am not doing a good job or if in some way I am falling short. Sometimes I feel as though people are watching my every move, standing ready to swoop in and take them away. You'd think that by now I would be used to it and comfortable in my role. But daily I wonder if I am doing things the right way.

But then I remember that it is in God's hands. He brought us together and He must see something I don't see in me. He knows the truth and He sees my heart. Our lives are His to hold and mold. I must remember to rely on Him for the strength and grace and understanding they need.

So no matter how others look at us or what they think and say, it is God's back up plan and we are working it out. Sure it isn't what most would have expected or wanted, but it's ours and it's what God has for has now.


On to other things...

My friends Nathan and Amey Fair are some of the best people I know. Their 2 year old daughter was diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer in January. Amey (the more vocal and writing prone of the two) has started a blog to tell of their family's journey through this battle. She is an amazing woman of God, helpmate to a man of God that few can compare to. 

Her blog entries are always inspiring as she shares the roller coaster that is their lives. She maintains a firm grip on the fact that God has it all in His hands. Daily she shares how some trial of the day has reaffirmed or taught her some truth of relationship with God. As I listen to my new CD, the song about Job reminds me of them.

"You were the one who filled my cup...
And You were the One who let it spill
So blessed be Your Holy Name
If You never fill it up again"

Hallelujah

Whitney Houston, Judgmental people, and longing for more

Wow!! After a great day of hanging out with family, I come home to see the news that Whitney Houston has passed away. My heart is broken. Her talent was beyond compare. Being thrust onto the world stage, her life became another statistic of fallen stars. People pass judgement on Bobby Brown, saying he is the reason her star fell. My thought is this: we, the public, are the reason her star fell. We put her on a pedestal and held her to a higher standard than we hold ourselves. Anyone would cave under the pressure, and sure she made poor choices and surrounded herself with negative influences but she was human. But we could not, or rather would not, forgive the fallen angel. Maybe now Whitney has the love and acceptance she longed for, without having to live up to the unattainable standards of others. RIP Whitney, rest in True Peace.

As people living in a fallen world, it is easy to look at others and see their faults and flaws. Too often, we forget our own past shortcomings and near daily failures. It is easier to point fingers of blame and shame at others than it is to take responsibility and make change in our own lives. The young girl, pregnant and scared does not need you to tell her she is wrong and has sinned. She needs you (and God expects you) to show her love and forgiveness as God loved and forgave you. The man, alcoholic and lonely, does not need your condemnation and accusations. He needs you (and again, GOD expects you) to give encouragement and confirmation that he is worthy of grace and mercy. Please do not think that the bitterness, jealousy, and resentment you hold deep in your heart are not sin. Or that this secret sin of yours is somehow less appalling to God; that He will not hold you accountable for it. He will, just as He holds others accountable for their public sins. Sin is anything that you allow to hold you back from a fulfilling and abundant relationship with the Lover of your soul. Sin is anything that stands unsurrendered between you and God. Whether or not you acknowledge it, you will stand before the same GOD as the drunk, the whore, and the thief.

Longing for something deeper and more real than ever before, I have fallen to my knees praying that God would reveal my sins, those public and those hidden. I want to be set free and to be able to live in right relationship with Him and with others. With His eyes and His heart for the lost and the hurting, I want to remove my mask of Christianity and allow others to see that I am just like them, fallen and broken and far from perfect. The hope is this that I am crucified with Christ, I am humbled by the cross, and daily I am saved once again. The process is ongoing and will not be completed until I stand in His presence singing:

"I adore You for all that You are...
I love, I love to bring You praise
I love, I love to bring You praise with all I am
I will love You there's none above You
You are my everything
I will love You there's none beside You
You take my breath away"

Until that day, I will hold to this truth Jesus loves me (with all my imperfections and sin and failures HE loves me).

"Pressing on the upper way
Always guide me, Lord, I pray
Undeserving and stubborn willed
Never fail to love me still

Yes JESUS loves me,
Oh, yes Jesus LOVES me
Yes Jesus loves ME for the Bible tells me so."